A man sat down to bread and water and said, "All this and Jesus too?"

While I was sitting in psychology class today, I had a new thought.
I have a hard time loving people (which, unfortunately, is not the weird thought). But it's more than that.
I have noticed that when I'm struggling to love someone, struggling to be kind to them for whatever reason, I imagine them praying. (Idealistic tendencies...). That's strange, I know. People act certain ways, but in the real presence of God I think everyone would be humbled to the point of kneeling in admiration, no matter who they are. And so to imagine people in such a position, to see them as their potential self, has helped me treat them better.
But there's something very wrong in that.
God loves me just as I am. He does want me to grow and change and mature, but He loves me unconditionally, all the time. And I am called to love my neighbor in the same way that He loves. I must learn to love others exactly as they are, not as who they could be...and for no other reason than Christ's beautiful, irrational love for me.

I'm not alone :)

http://www.relevantmagazine.com/life_article.php?id=7308

The Lutheran guy who spoke last night said something funny. The reason it's so funny is because it's so true, and yet the fact that it's true is very sad. He sarcastically advised that all Christians should go to college, surround themselves with people who think the exact same way they do, find one to marry, breed, and then die.

I think we've all known at one time or another the incredible peace that comes with truly knowing we are doing exactly what God wants us to do. I am pretty desperate for that peace. I need to be patient. I need to be quiet enough to listen and trusting enough to respond.

It's really tiring that I waste so much time worrying about myself.

I've been re-reading Blue Like Jazz. I had forgotten how good it is. I just read through one of my favorite parts where he talks about how he used to have a lot of trouble accepting God's grace. It seemed wrong to me not to have to pay for my sin, not to feel guilty about it or kick myself around. He describes a time when he was at the grocery store, and goes into detail about the woman in front of him pulling out food stamps to pay for her groceries. He desribes how awkward and uncomfortable the interaction is. The woman never lifted her head as she organized her bags of groceries and set them into her cart. She walked away from the checkout stand in the sort of stiff movements a person uses when they know they are being watched.
I realized that it was not the woman who should be pitied, it was me. It was not that I wanted to buy her groceries, the government was already doing that. I wanted to buy her dignity. And yet, by judging her, I was the one taking her dignity away.
I wonder what it would feel like to use food stamps for a month. I wonder how that would feel, standing in line at the grocery store, pulling from my wallet the bright currency of poverty, feeling the probing eyes of the customers as they studied my clothes and the items in my cart. I would want to explain to them that I have a good job and make good money.
I love to give charity, but I don't want to be charity. This is why I have so much trouble with grace.

"Jesus' instructions with regards to judging other people is very simply put; He says, 'Don't.' The average Christian is the most piercingly critical individual known. Criticism is one of the ordinary activities of people, but in the spiritual realm nothing is accomplished by it. The effect of criticism is the dividing up of the strengths of the one being criticized. The Holy Spirit is the only one in the proper position to criticize, and He alone is able to show what is wrong without hurting and wounding. It is impossible to enter into fellowship with God when you are in a critical mood. Criticism serves to make you harsh, vindictive, and cruel, and leaves you with the soothing and the flattering idea that you are somehow superior to others. Jesus says that as His disciple you should cultivate a temperament that is never critical. This will not happen quickly but must be developed over a span of time. You must constantly be aware of anything that causes you to think of yourself as a superior person.
There is no escaping the penetrating search of my life by Jesus. If I see the little speck in your eye, it means I have a plank of timber in my own (see Matthew 7:3-5). Every wrong thing that I see in you, God finds in me. Every time I judge, I condemn myself. Stop having a measuring stick for other people. There is always at least one more fact, which we know nothing about, in every person's situation. The first thing God does is to give us a thorough spiritual cleaning. After that, there is no possibility of pride remaining in us. I have never met a person I could despair of, or lose all hope for, after discerning what lies in me apart from the grace of God."

-My Utmost for His Highest

From Brandon's letter to me::
"I know what you mean, all too well, by wishing you had someone's advice, wisdom, and spiritual guidance this past year. It seems, so many times in life, right when we need someone or something the most it's taken away from us. Almost as if to make things worse on purpose, like God's punishing us, or the enemy's just kicking our butt. The funny thing is, it's quite the contrary. It could not be a better blessing. Remember Hebrews 12:16 (Proverbs 3:11, 12)- 'the Lord disciplines those he loves.' Bethany, consider it a blessing. The Lord is with you every step of the way. He took away from you that which you thought you might need the most. Why? Because it produces humility and brokenness (Psalm 51:16, 17). And these in return produce reliance on Him and Him alone. Jesus need be your source, no other. Jesus need be your advice, your wisdom, your spiritual guidance, your source of joy. If he's not, then dare I say it, may he take even more away from you! For 'where our depravity meets His divinity is a beautiful collision.' You know where that's from."

I've struggled to love. All people-- friends especially. One thing that Donald Miller points out in Searching For God Knows What is that sinners felt comfortable in Jesus' presense. That interests me a lot. Though he hated sin so much, he never showed contempt towards anyone. And therefore the lowly were attracted to him. He loved everyone, always. I'd really like to be able to say the same of myself. I'd like for the "the lowly" to feel comfortable around me because I'm loving them in the same way that Jesus loves me, in the same way that we're called to love each other as in Romans 15:17. Accept one another, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God. Everything comes back to giving praise and glory to God, because that is why we're here. I think the biggest thing that gets in the way of my loving others is pride. If I can humble myself I will find it easier to love people, to be obedient, and to glorify God in the things that I do, big or small.

"Jesus had friendships with people who were struggling. His love and acceptance was so fulfilling, that most people left the lifestyles they were living and found greater fulfillment in life with Him. Therefore, I will continue to love [all] without shame."

We are not meant to be seen as God's perfect, bright-shining examples, but to be seen as the everyday essence of ordinary life exhibiting the miracle of His grace. Drudgery is the test of genuine character. The greatest hindrance in our spiritual life is that we will only look for big things to do. Yet, "Jesus...took a towel and...began to wash the disciples' feet..." (John 13: 3-5).
-My Utmost for His Highest

This is part of a blog by David's friend Graeme that I wanted to...borrow.
--
Monday, May 22, 2006

on being an ass

"I have just returned from a party of which I was the life and soul; wit poured from my lips, everyone laughed and admired me - but i went away...and I wanted to shoot myself." ~Soren Kierkegarrd "Journals"

"As often as I have been among men, I have returned home a lesser man." ~ St. Thomas A Kempis "Imitation of Christ"

In a sense it is amazing how the brain works inside a man to be able to be witty and quick - but in the grand scheme it is just a DISTRACTION from the GLORY of our Savior and God. We need to take this life more serious, not to get drunk in our humor or in our wealth or entertainment. Christ should CONSTANTLY be on our hearts and minds.

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouth, but only what is helpful in building up others according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen...Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, JUST AS in Christ God forgave you." Ephesians 4: 29/32

"Who has a fiercer struggle than he who strives to conquer himself?" Wisdom X, 12

Do we really regard the approval of men in such high regard? why?
"Oh how swiftly the glory of this world passes away!"

And from here we can go on to talk about the eternality of choice- and how we can either say and do things that have eternal value or are eternally worthless. We must come to the realization that everything is one of those options.
It puts our actions into a serious perspective.
~Gp
--

I don't know how I can so easily forget day after day the importance of what I say. It's so easy, especially around friends, to speak of things that in no way build up others according to their needs and in no way bring glory to God. As one who believes that Jesus is who he is, I need to not so often talk about things that are so "eternally worthless".

I've had a very disburbed spirit for the past couple of days. I've needed time alone with God. He told me, "Be still, and know that I am God." Over and over and over again. A couple passages from Scripture have stuck out to me. One is Nehemiah 8:10 which tells me the joy of the Lord is my strength. Another is Hebrews 3:12-14 which says, "See to it, brothers, that none of you has a sinful, unbelieving heart that turns away from the living God. But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness. We have come to share in Christ if we hold firmly till the end the confidence we had at first."
God has shown me how much I need Him and I know He's there and I know He loves me and I know His joy is my strength.

I want to walk as a child of the Light
I want to follow Jesus
God set the stars to give light to the world
The Star of my life is Jesus.

In Him there is no darkness at all
The night and the day are both alike
The lamb is the Light of the city of God
Shine in my heart Lord Jesus.

I want to see the Brightness of God
I want to look at Jesus
Clear Son of righteousness shine on my path
And show me the way to the Father.

In Him there is no darkness at all
The night and the day are both alike
The lamb is the Light of the city of God
Shine in my heart Lord Jesus.

I'm looking for the coming of Christ
I want to be with Jesus
When we have run, with patience, the race
We shall know the joy of Jesus.

In Him there is no darkness at all
The night and the day are both alike
The lamb is the Light of the city of God
Shine in my heart Lord Jesus!!